Raised in a society where value is usually translated into money, I have days where I really struggle with finding value in staying at home and taking care of Baby D. Some days, as Adam goes off to a job he absolutely loathes so that he can kind of keep us afloat, I get a little embarrassed that I get to do something I absolutely love without contributing to the family coffers. I plan on at least teaching music lessons after Baby D starts weaning, but for now, I'm just working on getting an Etsy shop off the ground.
I know that I'm making the right choice, so here are a few thoughts that help me find my value on those off days.
*We do not have to pay someone to take care of Baby D. So my time is already worth at least $8.00 an hour. :-D
*Baby D is receiving wonderful immunities, saving medical bills, and getting some powerful nutritional and emotional benefits from full-time breastfeeding.
*The house runs more smoothly. The floors get vacuumed, the dishes get done, and no one has run out of socks or underwear since I came home.
*Now that I can stay on top of laundry, we save money (and Baby D's skin!) with cloth diapers.
*I left a crummy desk job that paid in peanuts. It's not like I gave up a great income or even a great career to stay home.
*I think for us, it all boils down to quantity versus quality. We choose to go without a lot in order to have a happier, less complicated house. Baby D has the security of never being far from a parent. I have so much more inner peace, now that life has slowed down and I can focus energy on the things that really matter to me. Now, if we can just find Adam a job he loves, we'll have the "quality" in abundance.
One of these days, we won't have to worry about the financial side of things so much. *crosses fingers* Do any of you SAHMs go through this? I'd be interested to hear your thoughts!
I would LOVE to be a SAHM, but I committed to my job last August for several reasons. 1. To pay the bills, especially the hospital bills. 2. To keep my insurance. 3. If I quit, the music program would probably be canceled. I can't let that happen to my students.
ReplyDeleteI am a quite fortunate working mom, however. Landon's family is opening a grocery store literally right across the street from where I work. My baby will be there with Landon and her grandparents and I can reach her any time (as soon as the construction crews move out this month). Until then, her great-grandma watches her at my house and brings her to me twice a day so I can nurse. I am so happy I don't have to supplement or even pump bottles - my daughter still manages to get all her meals straight from me.
I miss her dearly while I'm working, but I do get to spend my lunch, planning period, and a break in the afternoon with her. It seems she doesn't even notice I'm gone.
My goal is to NEVER put her in daycare. I do hope someday to be a SAHM...we're taking it one step at a time and deciding what's best for our family. I know your question was for SAHMs, but I couldn't help putting in for the working moms who make it work. :)
I have been a SAHM for almost 13 years (*gasp*..it kinda hurts to say that..lol). I've never not been a SAHW or SAHM. When I became pregnant with my first I was ready to start my senior year at ORU. I knew that I would be a SAHM and only finished school to be able to say I did it. There wasn't a question about it, God was calling me to stay at home (I also knew then that we would be homeschooling our children as well).
ReplyDeleteThere have been some rough patches. Very rough. One of those patches was an almost two year unemployment for my husband. During that time I considered getting a job. I never had peace about it. I'll never forget the day God spoke to me in the parking lot of Hardesty Library. I was stressed, thinking about how much money we had in our bank account, wondering if a job would ever surface for my husband, worrying about buying groceries, etc. And suddenly my spirit and mind felt incredible peace. He told me that when I am doing what He called me to do (be at home caring for my family, educating my children, and caring for the home) and - most importantly - praying for my husband that He will always take care of the rest. He reassured me that I didn't need to worry and be in fear, but I needed to trust. Trust with everything in me. That was my job: praying, caring, and trusting. Nothing more.
We made it through that time and God always provided. Always.
Of course that is true with everyone. But in regards to being a SAHM, I really believe it's important to realize. Especially if you went from two incomes to one. You are doing what He has called you to do at this time in your life. There isn't a reason to worry or feel guilty. Everything else (including a wonderful job for Adam) WILL fall into place.
I became a SAHM for the same reasons. i had a job that paid peanuts; if we paid for day care, I would have brought home about $300/month after all the expenses. we cut down on expenses and did without things to make up that $300. there was NO WAY I was going to work full time for a measly $300 per month!
ReplyDeleteThanks for visiting my blog.
I was a SAHM for about 8 months after Kayla was born, and then out of financial need (and since I am not handy like you are and can make my own stuff to possibly sell in some capacity), I went back to work part-time teaching for about 8 months. I hated every minute of it, even though I was not paying for childcare and the childcare was my sister in law whom I love. All I could think was that I wanted to be home with Kayla for these hugely formative years of her life. And it's not like my sister in law was not taking perfectly good care and teaching her how to be a good person in the 9 hours I worked each week. I just feel like it's natural for us to want to be home with our kids. And I totally get what you are saying about wanting to help my husband more with the financial burden, but I ALSO want to "stick it to the man" (society in general) which says that I'm somehow less of a person because I WANT to stay at home with my kids and because it fulfills me more than any career ever could.
ReplyDeleteI had a really hard time adjusting to being a SAHM. I had a fairly good (although full of drama) job for the government, but I derived too much of my identity from it. When I stopped to stay home, I had all these feelings of worthlessness. It's better now that I'm working on my writing (which I never really had time to do before) and now that I have some kind of schedule with the baby. Staying home is just such a weird work compared to the normal 8-5. It can take some adjusting. I'm glad you're feeling better about it. The job you're doing is SO important. Hugs from me.
ReplyDeleteI've found that making a good friend or two who is also a SAHM is helpful. Since I've only officially been a SAHM for less than a month, that's all I've got :)
ReplyDeleteI am actually facing a big change in that I am technically going back to work but working because I will be watching a 3 month old full time at home. So I'm not even sure what that makes me!
ReplyDeleteI liked your list. I think it's helpful for all of us SAHM's to feel valuable even though we don't bring home money and I struggled with this a lot once my little one got old enough to not require my 24 hour care. (The first months she needed to be held almost constantly!)
Yep! I have a strong conviction to be a SAHM, but I definitely have days when I kind of wonder where my identity is. These little people, though, are so incredibly important, and we are laying down our lives for them (literally...be it jobs, identity, hobbies, time, sleep, etc.) - which is undeniably Christ-like. It's definitely a blessing to be able to stay at home, but it's also definitely not easy!! I am reading this devotional called "Diapers, Pacifiers, and Other Holy Things," that is really helping me to see the significance of the every-day things, like that in wiping little noses and feeding little people, we are doing it for Christ.
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