Why we chose not to circumcise

I'm pretty libertarian when it comes to circumcision. I was a little dismayed when I heard that the city of San Francisco was trying to ban circumcision, because to me, that seems like religious discrimination. But, I do feel that choosing to circumcise needs to be an informed choice, with lots of research and forethought. I have several friends who are expecting little boys and are facing this decision themselves, so I thought maybe it would help to hear pro-intact reasons from someone who is not necessarily an "intactivist".

So why did we decide not to circumcise?

1. It's not my body. The biggest reason was that Oscar is the one who has to live with his penis-- not me. If he ever wants to get circumcised in the future, he can choose to reverse our decision-- something he could not do if he were circumcised at birth.

2. We had no religious reason to do it. We're not Jewish or Muslim, and considering that Paul devotes a chunk of Galatians to arguing why Christians shouldn't have to circumcise, we don't feel a Christian obligation to do it, either.

3. You can't mess up intact. According to this site, about 117 baby boys die each year from circumcision-related problems, usually by bleeding to death. Non-fatal circumcision complications include adhesions, crookedness, circumcision leaving the skin too tight (which can cause a lot of pain later on down the road), and partial or complete amputation.

4. Inadequate pain relief. When anyone older than an infant gets circumcised, they go under general anesthesia. Babies are too small for that, so doctors do the best that they can with local anesthetics (although, I just discovered, some doctors feel that anesthetics are too risky and slice away without any pain relief. O.M.G. Omg, omg, omg!!!! I think I'm going to be sick). Unfortunately, local anesthetics don't effectively eradicate the extreme pain a baby will feel (study). Sometimes, the baby won't cry much, which might give the illusion of no pain; however, silence can also be a sign of shock, and pain from circumcision has been known to interfere with breastfeeding and normal newborn behavior. When Oscar had his prolonged stay in the NICU, I was SO glad that we'd made the decision to keep him intact-- with all the needles and monitors he was already being assailed with, I was relieved to not be adding trauma upon trauma.

5. The cleanliness factor. The biggest reason for choosing circumcision that I hear floating around is... circumcision promotes better hygiene. It's supposedly easier to clean. Using that logic, why aren't we cutting off little girl bits, too? Having changed the diapers of both genders, I can say with confidence that female parts are much harder to clean. Girls are way more likely to get genital infections than uncircumcised boys, and yet, we don't circumcise females. So far, cleaning my intact boy has been a piece of cake-- it's just like wiping a finger. When he is older, I'll have to teach him to wash his foreskin, like I'll teach him to wash his hands. Or his ears. None of which are routinely chopped off, even though they are also burdensome body parts to clean.

Also, I doubt that it is hygienic to possibly expose an open circumcision wound to newborn pee and poop.

6. We didn't have a good reason to circumcise. There is not a single medical organization that recommends it. Insurance often doesn't cover it. Looking like peers is becoming less and less of an issue as circumcision in the U.S. declines, putting intact boys in the majority. But what about Oscar not looking like his dad? Maybe males are different, but I remember trying to look at anything BUT my mom when she was dressing. And even so, Oscar was never meant to be a carbon copy of my husband. If anything, I think this provides excellent material for teaching that having different features is A-OK!


So those are the main reasons we chose not to circumcise. I definitely respect a parent's choice to circumcise, but cutting off someone else's body part is a very serious action and needs lots of research and soul-searching before coming to a final decision about it. If you don't feel 100% right about circumcising your boy, then wait on it. You can always choose to circumcise later. I have heard plenty of stories from moms who regret circumcising, but rarely any that regret leaving their boys intact.

So there is your light Saturday reading. :-P Hope you are enjoying a beautiful fall day!

If You're Afraid of Sewing

Let's face it-- machine sewing is intimidating. There are a zillion knobs and levers, and threads and lots of little moving pieces... it's enough to make any reasonable person break out into a sweat. And you haven't even sewn a stitch yet! There are certainly many possibilities for making mistakes, and I think this is why many people are afraid to try their hand at sewing... so I thought I'd share my experiences with you.

I consider myself to be pretty knowledgeable at sewing, but let me tell you, I was not always very good. In fact, I was downright terrible.

I started operating a sewing machine in ninth grade. I spent that year making skirts and button-down shirts and dresses, and the following September, I proudly entered them in the Junior sewing division of the county fair. The way the system in my county works, each entry is awarded a ribbon based on its quality: blue (great), red (good), white (not that great), and then whatever's the best gets Grand Prize. I was one of maybe three total entrants in the Junior division, and most of the entries were mine, so I'd have a decent shot at winning Grand Prize, right?

I got white ribbons. I think one piece didn't even earn a ribbon at all, which is pretty much unheard of at that fair.

Let that just soak in for a moment: some judge hated my work so much that she gave white ribbons to nearly all the entries in the entire sewing division of a tiny county fair. To a kid, for crying out loud.

Thought I was going to share my cotton candy with you?
Well, Judge, THINK AGAIN!

Why am telling you this? To let you know that everyone starts somewhere. You can't play scales for a couple weeks and expect to be a concert pianist. In order to be good at sewing, you have to do a LOT of sewing first. Most of it is probably going to be really horrendous in the beginning-- oddly-shaped products, jammed machines, ripping and re-ripping seams, and ending up half a yard short of fabric (either that, or I was just particularly dumb. Please tell me I'm not the only one that did all this!).

But as you sew more, you will gain experience. You'll learn a shortcut here, a pitfall to avoid there. And one day, you will hold up a finished product and think, hey, I can actually take this one out in public!

But please use discretion.

So all I'm saying is, don't let the fear of making mistakes hold you back from learning to sew. Just accept that most of your beginning projects are going to be "learning experiences" instead of perfect products, and focus on developing your technique.

One fun way to practice sewing straight lines, curves, and sharp corners is to draw lines on a piece of paper (or print these out) and stitch right over the lines on the paper. Also, practicing on scrap fabric is a very valuable exercise. I still do that even today when I'm not sure how a certain stitch will turn out, or if I'm rusty in some areas, like making buttonholes.

When you're ready to make something, try starting with small projects that involve minimal money and simple techniques. The biggest pitfall in my sewing journey was starting out making dresses and voluminous skirts that required yards of specialty fabric, a purchased pattern, and a wide variety of complicated techniques. After a while, I threw up my hands and asked, "Why am I dropping forty bucks to make a really crappy-looking dress when I could buy one that actually fits for $20???" and gave up sewing for a few years.

Here are a few simple patterns that would make excellent beginner projects:

Ruffled scarf

Throw pillow cover

Shoulder bag purse

Tea Towel Apron

Speaking of sewing, I can't wait to show you my newest project tomorrow! Stay tuned!

Inspired by Minimalism

I have lately encountered a most fascinating lifestyle philosphy: that of minimalism. Basically, minimalism means getting rid of most of your belongings and only keeping the things that you use often or value highly. The idea is that stuff not only takes up physical space, but emotional and financial space, as well. Getting rid of excess stuff = more freedom. Here are a few blogs that I've been inspired by:

The Everyday Minimalist

Becoming Minimalist

miss minimalist

While I don't want to go crazy all-out minimalist and reduce everything to just the bare essentials, I'm curious to see how much I can pare down. I started down this road when I looked around a few weeks ago and realized that we still have boxes of stuff from the move that still haven't been unpacked! I mean, if we haven't needed the stuff after five months, will we ever really need it at all?

Ah, but you never know when you'll need that bundt pan.

Although we may not have much by American standards, we still have areas of excess, and I'm kind of tired of dealing with all the junk laying around.  So today, I started decluttering by tackling the chest that we own. I wish that I'd thought to take a "before" picture, but I didn't, so just picture it packed full of blankets and miscellaneous clothes and piled high with pillows and a couple boxes. After the purge...

Just look at all that... nothing. Ahhhhhhh.

A couple blankets for Oscar, my fall/winter clothes,
and a couple maternity tops I'm too lazy to put out in the deck storage closet.

I actually may just end up getting rid of the chest itself. I hate to do that, because it has sentimental value. But, as you can see, the top is broken, and if we can't come up with a way to fix it, then out it goes! But on to happier things: look at what is waiting to go to the thrift shop!

The shoes are staying :-)

The box under all the pillows is filled with stuff, too-- random knick-knacks, unused clothes from high school. Don't laugh; you'd be surprised how much of my current wardrobe is stuff I wore in high school. Let that be a lesson to buy clothes in classic styles and then take good care of them! (and date your pictures, or else you'll never remember what year they were taken!) Those pillows are in great shape, and that chevron blanket is one I crocheted myself... but they are things we just don't use, and they're taking up physical and mental space in my small apartment and tiny brain. So it's time to send them on to people who will love them.

Now I have to decide what to tackle tomorrow. What an exciting life I lead. :-P So what do you think? Is minimalism over-the-top, or something we need more of?

Woolly-Headed!

A few weeks ago, I got really ambitious. I was going to knit! Wool longies! On circular needles! So I jumped online and found this free longies pattern on Ravelry, which seemed to be basic enough for a knitting newbie like myself. I liked this pattern immediately because you calculate your own pattern from formulas provided, so instead of specially buying needles to suit the pattern, you make the pattern to fit the materials you have on-hand. You also make it based off your baby's measurements, so if your kid has a tiny waist or super long legs, you'll supposedly still get a perfect fit.

It sounds great, but how did they really turn out? You tell me:

You can see the preliminary swatch on the right.
For this pattern, making a swatch is absolutely vital!

The legs are little long, but the seat fits like a glove!

And then Oscar started doing an Abercrombie model pose.
I just about died.

Since I wasn't sure how these would turn out, I just bought some cheapie wool from the craft store down the road. It's not the greatest, but good for a trial run. Next time I'll invest in something a little softer and better quality. Why wool, you ask? Wool is a marvelous natural fiber that keeps the wearer warm in winter and cool in summer. It wicks moisture, and when lanolized, converts moisture into salt crystals, making this ideal as a diaper cover. Just throw it on over a fitted (like my fitted diaper cover pattern!), and you're good to go. I sewed a wool soaker from an old sweater a few months ago, and the wool/fitted combination held up to Oscar's 12-hour nights with nary a leak.

And now... I'm working on a second pair. This one is actually for Oscar's second cousin, and it's made out of some rich, soft alpaca yarn. Can't wait to see how they turn out!

A hand-made birthday!

Oscar is turning one this Saturday! Oh my goodness, where has the time gone?? Somehow, he has gone from this...

...to this:

In lieu of buying Oscar plastic made-in-China junk for a birthday that he won't even remember, Adam and I decided to sponsor a child in India this year. I am thrilled to honor the life that has blessed us so much by blessing another little life! So we're not buying presents for Oscar this year, but this doesn't mean I can't make gifts for him with stuff already in the house....

The first thing I'm making for him are felt alphabet refrigerator magnets.

They are three inches tall and lightly stuffed with batting. I drew a template for the letters on printer paper, but I realized (after all the letters were drafted, of course) that freezer paper would be an even better pattern material.

They have magnetic tape stuck on the back because that's what I had handy, but next time I'll probably sew magnets inside the letters...

This has been a really fun opportunity to try out all sorts of embroidery techniques! This blog has some great stitch tutorials.

Fishbone stitch

Wheatear stitch

Plain ol' running stitch

Couching

Cross stitch

Lazy daisy. Aren't I SO clever for putting Flowers on F. :-P

Palestrina stitch

A midnight scene

Coral stitch

More cross stitch

The reason for the season

 You'd be surprised at how quickly these whip up, too-- it usually takes less than an hour to make a letter! I've only made eleven letters so far, so I imagine there will be another post in the future when (or more like if) I finish the alphabet. So that's one set of goodies I'm whipping up for Oscar's birthday. Be on the lookout for the second gift!

Guess who's a toddler now?

Someone's toddling around the house! At a couple weeks past eleven months, Oscar beat both my and Adam's walking ages. Here's the proof...

Do be sure to appreciate my ghetto-riffic toy. A peanut container with dried pasta inside-- never fails to please!

Booby trapped! What low milk supply is and why you probably don't have it

I frequent a cloth diapering forum, which has a subforum for breastfeeding support. Hardly a single day goes by without someone starting a thread that goes something like this:

Subject: I have low milk supply!!!

I think I have low milk supply! I only get 2 oz. when I try to pump, and it is super discouraging. My son is nursing around the clock, he wants to eat every hour and a half for almost 30 minutes each, so I don't think he's getting enough milk. We've been giving him formula after feedings, and he guzzles it all down, so obviously he's still hungry. My breasts don't feel full, I don't think there is anything in them! He is only three weeks old and I don't want to throw in the towel yet. Help!

*********

You may be surprised to learn that nothing mentioned above is indicative of a low milk supply.

From my online research, I learned that while some women truly are physically incapable of producing enough milk, this phenomenon has a low occurrence, around 2-5%. Low milk supply is a real malady, but there are many, many women (and their doctors!) who think they have a low supply when they truly don't! And if I hadn't known better, I'm pretty sure I would have come to the same conclusion about myself. I've gone through everything described in the fake thread posting... and yet I stuck around and somehow produced enough milk to triple my baby's weight in less than a year.

If your baby is getting adequate milk, you should be able to observe the following:

• Plenty of wet and dirty diapers
• Consistent weight gain 
• Signs that baby is consuming milk when nursing-- you should hear swallowing, see their little ears moving, and perhaps notice a little milk dribbling out the corners of baby's mouth.

If these three things are happening, then rest assured that you don't have a milk supply issue. Conversely, if your child is losing weight and showing signs of dehydration, that is your clue that something is wrong. But what about all the problems in the fake message board thread above? Let's go by them one by one, but not before my big PSA.

If there is one thing I want you to get out of this post, it is this: supplementing with formula is one of the most destructive things you can do to your milk supply. The human breast is so amazingly efficient that it regulates how much milk it produces by supply and demand. Every time your baby nurses, your body releases hormones that tell it to produce more milk. Every time your baby does not nurse, your body tells itself to make less. So you can see how counterproductive it is to replace or supplement any feeding with formula!!! If you feel that your supply is dipping, you need to nurse baby MORE, not LESS, in order to tell your breasts to make more milk! Replacing feedings with formula tells your body that it doesn't need to make more milk, so then your supply drops, and then you supplement with more formula-- and before you know it, this has turned into a cycle that ultimately ends in dried-up breasts and exclusive formula-feeding. Human milk is an incredibly fatty, nutrient-dense substance, and there is absolutely nothing in formula that makes it nutritionally superior to breast milk. Unfortunately, there is a lot of ignorance among doctors about this. If your doctor tells you to supplement, run the other way and get the opinion of an ICBLC-certified lactation consultant first! When Oscar was discharged from the hospital, they sent me home with a giant can of Similac and strict instructions to supplement him "because he's so large". I never touched it, and lo and behold, Oscar grew just fine on human milk alone.

Whew. Huff. Okay, my rant is over. It's just that I see sooooo many women fall for this particular "booby trap" and destroy their breastfeeding relationship from this single piece of bad advice. But what about babies that drink a whole bottle of formula after a nursing session? I'm going to let you in on a little secret: even babies have the ability to overeat. Also, many bottle nipples have an overly easy flow that lets the milk just gush out, giving the baby two choices: guzzle it all down as it comes, or choke on it and have it streaming down their face. Many babies simply can't stop eating from the gravitational force of the milk.

Another less-than-helpful idea is that of scheduled feedings. Like adults, babies are simply hungrier more times than others. If you've ever read Oscar's birth story, you know the giant beef I have with scheduled feedings. Babies simply eat when they are hungry, and if you want the best supply and the healthiest baby possible, you will feed when he shows signs of hunger instead of waiting until the baby's scheduled 3 o'clock feeding two hours later. When people ask what Oscar's feeding schedule looks like, I just tell them that sometimes, Oscar eats once every three hours; other times, he eats three times in one hour. It all depends.  Along the same lines, resist the temptation to look at the clock during a feeding. Whether they nurse for ten minutes or forty-five is usually more of a temperament thing, not an indicator of supply.

Frequency of nursing is a bad indicator of supply. You may have times when your baby feeds endlessly around the clock, and it feels like all he wants to do do is nurse, nurse, nurse. Usually, something else is going on. A big culprit is growth spurts! The first growth spurt happens around the two-or three-week mark. This is when a lot of moms start panicking about their milk supply, like the one in the fake message-board post. Keep in mind that all this extra nursing during a growth spurt is a GOOD thing, because baby is preparing mom's breast to keep up with the caloric requirements of a larger baby! Babies can also nurse nonstop when they are teething. It helps relieve pressure on those sore gums, and having mom close is a big comfort. There can be other things in play, too. When Oscar came back from the NICU, he was practically attached to the breast for nearly two weeks. I think he just really craved his mommy's touch and needed to reconnect with me.

All I gotta say is, Thank God for Netflix.

Pumping is also not a reliable gauge of whether your baby is getting enough milk. First off, a baby is the most efficient breast-emptier out there, way better than the best industrial pump. What you get from a pump isn't necessarily all your baby can get from the breast himself. Second, breastmilk in a bottle and formula in a bottle are not the same thing. Formula is not as nutrient-dense as breastmilk; therefore you have to feed a baby a higher volume of formula than breastmilk to get the same nutritional value. This is especially true for an older baby, because human milk actually gets more fatty as a baby ages. Third, some women just don't respond well to artificial pumps. It can be more difficult to experience let-down when you're attached to an awkward plastic gadget rather than your warm, cuddly baby. I personally hardly get anything from a pump at all (we're talking less than a teaspoon), and I suspect a lot of that has to do with the emotional fallout of those first two weeks of stressful pumping around the NICU drama. Fourth, a lot of variables can affect what you get at a pump. The time of day, where you are in your fertility cycle, what kind of pump you're using, and a whole host of other factors can determine what you get at any given pumping session.

But my breasts aren't full! This one had me panicked in the early days. By six weeks, mom's milk supply is usually stabilized. The breasts have figured out  through supply-and-demand how much your baby eats every day, so they don't need to overfill. Having extremely empty-feeling breasts at the end of the day for me is a daily occurrence, and completely normal. The breasts kind of recharge themselves during the early A.M. hours, and over the course of the day, they gradually become depleted. Evening is when the breast milk stores reach an all-time low, and, of course, is usually when the baby wants to nurse the most because he's tired and crabby!

So there's my giant whale of a post about milk supply. Hope you learned something, and maybe put some fears to rest! I don't claim to be the all-knowing breastfeeding expert, but if you have questions, feel free to email me at maria.the.uncommon (at) gmail (dot) com. Kellymom.com also has some excellent resources, especially this page, and your local La Leche League group is a great way to get some face-to-face help.