A Few Practical Marriage Observations

June is the legendary month of weddings. There are more friends getting married and celebrating anniversaries than I can shake a stick at! In the wake of my own recent wedding anniversary in May, my parent's upcoming twenty-fifth anniversary, and the slew of June weddings, I've been thinking a lot lately about what makes a successful marriage.

Since I've been married two whole years now and am now a marriage expert (ha ha), here are a few observational tidbits that I think make a marriage great. This is geared more towards the fairer half of the union, but I guess the guys can read it too, if they want!

1. Treat your spouse just as courteously as you'd treat other people that you don't have to live with. My parents are awesome examples of this. I've never heard them raise their voices at each other or do the Name Game thing. What I did hear growing up were a lot of Please and Thank you and Let me help with that! They'll be celebrating their 25th anniversary in September, and I think that continuing this pattern has done a world of good in my own marriage.

2. Always greet the hubby with a big smile! I've noticed that how my hubby and I greet each other largely sets the tone for the rest of our interaction. So why not make it positive? Don't worry; there will be plenty of time for him to find out what a lousy day you had. :-P

3. Nags are old horses. Don't be one. Usually what I do for, um, a problematic request is ask on two or three occasions, and then do the darn thing myself. Most of the time, when DH sees me doing his job, he'll take over.

4. There are a bazillion excuses we wives give in order to not make love: we're tired, we're not in the mood, we don't want to deal with the mess, we don't have time, our big toe hurts, we just did our hair, and the list goes on and on and on and on. Ninety-nine percent of the time, though, it all boils down to one thing: inconvenience. Getting past my excuses and getting it on because I love my husband, even when all the stars are not aligned and I'm not particularly in the mood, and then choosing to participate- CHEERFULLY!- (notice that both words are emphasized!)-- is a great marriage builder. Hubby feels loved, and I usually end up having a great time, too!

5. Try to refrain from constantly pointing out everything he's doing wrong. ESPECIALLY if it's a household chore he's doing just for you. Unless, of course, you don't want him ever doing it again. :-P This also applies to conversations with other people. A wife is supposed to be her man's biggest cheerleader!

So there you have all my sage advice. What would you add to the list?

This post is a participating entry in We Are THAT Family's Works for Me Wednesday blog carnival.


  1. Good stuff!! I'll add: communicate, communicate, communicate!!! :)

  2. Great observations! I read a great book called "Love and Respect" along with using the Bible and it has helped our marriage tremendously. We have been married 17 years now. :D

    Thank you for sharing!

  3. Good advice. I wish I would have done these things when I got married 18 years ago!

    Glad you figured this out earlier in the game than me.

  4. You may be a virtual 'newlywed,' but take it from someone who's hitting her 30th anniversary this fall (and we dated 9 years prior to the wedding!)--you are very wise! Everything you say makes perfect sense.
    I'm not going to pretend it's been a perfect 30 years, but I'm still romantically in love with my husband and that says something in this day and age. We do respect each other, we greet each other in a friendly way and never miss an opportunity for a quick hug or kiss!
    You know, it's really the little things that add up, good or bad. Something as simple as a shoulder rub or bringing your spouse a cold drink (sometimes, I get strange looks from company when I do that! As if I'm some kind of slave housewife!)
    My biggest advice: just plain be NICE to each other! Your first piece of advice is right in line with this!

  5. hmm...I would say that in addition to not pointing out the wrong and being a cheerleader, really take the time to notice the little things that he does and actually voice your appreciation at his efforts. I thank my hubby for all the small things and I think that is part of the reason he is always up to task when I do ask him to do other things (and then thank him for it or tell him he did a good job with that task!). Not that guys are "big heads" or need to have their egos stroked, but a man loves hearing that he's done a good job, especially from his #1 in his life :)

  6. I'm happily unmarried but in a 16-year relationship, and I think these are all great tips for any long-term relationship. (#4 is not an issue for me, but if it were I know it would be destructive.)

    My grandmother had a poem on her bulletin board that I think is very useful advice:
    To keep your marriage brimming
    With love from the loving cup,
    Whenever you're wrong, admit it;
    Whenever you're right, shut up!

  7. Great list. I think that daily deciding that you love your husband is important. Sometimes I need reminded that love is a choice.

  8. My husband and I are in marriage ministry and I've got to say, you're giving great advise! How wonderful that you had such great role models growing up. Not everyone was so lucky. Keep your marriage strong!!


Disqus for Downright Domesticity


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...