Why I Hate Apple Products

Last week, when my desktop died of unnatural and mysterious causes, I dug my old iBook out of hiding and tried unsuccessfully to fix that, too. The summer of 2009, my iBook told me, "You won't be the boss of me! Ha!" and deleted my administrator account. I said, "I don't need you anyway! So there!" and let it collect dust on a shelf somewhere. So we were begrudging acquaintances at best when I finally decided to take it to the Apple store this Monday. And I dreaded it.

Gandhi once said, "I like your Christ. I do not like your Christians." I feel exactly the same way about Apple-- good product, but man, do lots of Mac users annoy the heck out of me. My experience with the Apple "Geniuses" (lol) leads me to believe that they are about two iPod upgrades away from greeting me with, "We are the CHOSEN ones, b****!"

Really? Since when did some people decided they could get all hoity-toity over a piece of plastic with a screen? I used to watch coworkers prostrate themselves before the newest employee to own an iPhone, and I just don't get it. It's a PHONE, and a phone that seems to compel people to endlessly tap on it while you're trying to hold a conversation with them, at that. I think iPhones are great tools, but a phone is a phone is a phone.

I guess the thing that bothers me the most about Apple products is the false sense of elitism it gives its owners. People, Apple products are not exclusive or uncommon or special. Your neighbor owns one. Your mom owns one. That guy who doctors photos of Obama and send them as forwards owns one. Poor college kids without a penny to their name own one, as does every high school kid who likes music. If everyone came to the realization that Apple products are common tools and not fashion accessories, the world would become a happier and much less snooty place.

So go buy that iPood or whatever the heck it is and start impressing people with your ability to use a credit card. You will recognize me as the girl plugging away unconcernedly on her six-year-old VINTAGE computer (yes, that is what the Apple store gods Geniuses called it) and actually talking on her phone.

I am a fairly satisfied Apple user, and I have an internet connection. Therefore, I am qualified to pontificate about this. I know several people personally who do not let their ownership of Apple products get to their head, and it is wonderful-- if that is you, congratulations! The rest of you had better watch out, because I'm laughing at you.

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